I am a 27-year-old male with corrected hypospadias. I felt that I was “different” than other boys probably around the first grade due to the fact that we started peeing in the same restrooms. The boys would gather around and laugh at me trying to use the toilet. I think I had two surgeries, but I am not completely sure of that. I know after the first surgery it would hurt really badly when I tried to go to the bathroom. The second surgery was performed in the seventh grade, and my parents just told me I was getting a “circumcision.” Yeah, right! After two weeks of recovery, I was functioning like a healthy adolescent boy. I have had a couple of lovers over my lifetime, but I have never really accepted my “difference.” My penis is a little smaller than most male penises, but none of my past girlfriends have ever noticed anything different. However, I still can’t fool myself. Every day I remind myself of my deformity and am still my one worst enemy. Until I can love myself, I don’t think I will ever let anyone else love me back. As far as physically, all the plumbing works and my urethra actually extends close to the head of my penis. It is more of a psychological issue for me. I am treated for depression and anxiety, and I find it hard to approach women; I am very self-conscious in this regard. Knowing that I am not alone does help, and I hope by writing this that other men will know they are not alone either. If anyone has any good advice or tips on how to cope, feel free to email me at my address. Thank you and remember, sometimes being different is actually better.
